Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
