so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
