just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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