This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
BRING THE BAGELS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
