Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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