they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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