So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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