honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
