i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Found your dick twin last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
