I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
