as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
