You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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