Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
