I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
