it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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