I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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