I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
