hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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