I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my phone needs a breathalizer
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
