hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
