i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
