if you like me you must not know who I am
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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