the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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