I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
