I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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