I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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