if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
