nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
