I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
