just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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