I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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