I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
