girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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