There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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