Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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