Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
