Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
