he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
