Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
