IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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