You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
