The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
