Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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