I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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