Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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