Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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