Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
