More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
