Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
