I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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