he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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