obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
