Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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