I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
