my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
