It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
