Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
