you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
