Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't deserve a penis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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