He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
