I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
