dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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