The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
