I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
