I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
