i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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