I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
