have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
